Bails. Oh, Bails. I've been trying all day to describe our friendship. This makes it sound like a bad thing, but the best possible example I can come up with involves devils, and that's already making me laugh. But oh well, it's my blog, right?! You know in old cartoons (or in Emperor's New Groove, the best and most important cartoon of all,) there was a sequence with a devil and an angel resting on the shoulder's of someone trying to make a major decision? Consider Bailey the angel, and Kaylea the devil. We are both witty and hysterical, but she tends to stay on the good side, while I flirt with danger. By danger, I mean I'll ask a stranger at a Coldplay concert for advil and take it without considering that it might actually be something illegal. I'm glass half empty, she's glass half full. I'm worst case scenario, she's very "Let's see how this could work positively in our favor." She may not be this way with everyone, but she's this way with me. She knew about both of my babies within hours of the positive test, and text me so often with words of encouragement when I was so sure that something terrible was going to happen to my fetuses. She brought us dinners after we had our babies. And if you know Bailey at all, you know it's not weird to get a text that says "Look on your porch! :)" and opening your door to find just the right gift at just the right time. She once brought me a Smoothie and a Rosa's gift card when I was 9 months pregnant. Cody had been up with the stomach flu and I was up with contractions all night. We ran into each other in the HEB parking lot when I was stocking up on ginger ale and gatorade, and I cried into her window, because I just knew that I was going to have the baby that afternoon and Cody wouldn't be able to be there. Twenty minutes later, the smoothie and the gift card had me in tears in the entryway. She's sensitive to people's needs, she's just about the best hostess I know, and gentle is the actual best descriptive word I have. She counteracts me in so many ways, but I'm so thankful for it. I can call (okay fine, Voxer) her and say "What side of this am I not seeing?" and she always has the answer. Anyway, this feels like the world's longest introduction, so I'm just going to pass the text to Bails, to let her describe her version of motherhood with you...
What is your motherhood mantra?
Love the mundane. On most days, mothering is a big bag of normal. I try to recognize the moments that make my heart leap and sing with tenderness and gratitude and ask the Lord to help me tuck those moments away in my heart. I still think about a time when I was sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery for a night time feeding- the quiet and stillness washing over me and the baby... being so exhausted I wanted to cry... but I also wanted to remember. To remember her face and her wispy, soft hair and the sound of the rhythm of the rocking chair. I begged the Lord to help me not ever forget... and I haven't. The magnificent mundane... such beautiful grace that brings about gratitude on darker days.
What is the best advice you could give a first time mom?
Find your tribe... be in community... beg the Lord for a best friend if you don't already have one. Friendships are Biblical and this request is not too difficult for the Lord. When my oldest was a newborn we didn't have good friends in town. I felt so lonely. We needed people and so we began to ask the Lord to help us make friends and to bring us people! He gave in abundance and brought the most precious and life giving tribe to us! Our framily is so special! Community takes work- get your hands dirty and be blessed by the fruit.
What's the most annoying advice you've received?
"It all goes by so fast!" I hate this phrase and although I know it to be true, it's not helpful when my babies have been up most of the night or when I haven't folded laundry and it's laying in piles in my living room. Sometimes we just need a hug and a listening ear and to know that we aren't crazy and that being a Mommy is hard. I wonder if this is advice someone gives when they really mean, "I miss being a Mommy." At some point when we least expect it, our kids grow and we turn into, "Mom" and that's all together different, isn't it? "It goes so fast" is something to ponder but not to say out loud to a Mommy who has spit up crusted on her shirt and black circles under her eyes. Hug her and buy her coffee!
What is your favorite thing about your kids?
I love that my children are so different from each other! So different. These personality differences are becoming one of the greatest delights of my life.
What's one thing you wish you could tell the "newborn mom" version of yourself?
Search for grace... mainly for yourself. In every cup of coffee with cream, in every hum of the washing machine. Receive the gift of help from your friends, take more bubble baths and buy yourself more flowers. The Lord gave you these children on purpose and He chose YOU - on purpose- to be their Mommy. There is no one more suited or more called to love your children than you. So grace... not perfection... you are learning too.
PS Bailey made me take her family photos IN THEIR HOUSE, which I hated at the time, but it was super relaxed and her girls showed me every ounce of personality they could muster. One of these days, I'll get them outside... but my heart still smiles when I see those self-portraits. Thanks for your thoughts, Bails!
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